February 22, 2020
Oh, Sheesh!! I’m not sure who thought up this question, but it’s a huge can of worms, isn’t it? We all love giving advice and I’ve known my share of folks who take it a step further and spread unsolicited advice freely. I love advice when I have sought it out. I rarely appreciate someone placing their opinions on me (after all, most advice is usually just your opinion placed on others as a ‘should’), especially when I’m having a tough moment.
Technically, this piece is unsolicited advice, though if you are reading it, you’ve kind of let yourself in for it.
So..….. do I have any advice for anyone? No!!!!!
I share experiences.
I share knowledge.
I share feelings.
I share hopes and dreams.
I share friendship and support.
I work really hard to never say, “You should……” or “If I were you, I would…..” or “Why don’t you try to…… or even “You might regret it if you don’t….. ” You get the gist of it. I do catch myself trying to use these phrases, especially with my kids. So many times I dearly wish they would take some advice from me; I can so clearly see the hurt coming. But that is not what they, or anyone for that matter, need.
If there is one thing I’ve learned from parenting within the foster care system for almost 29 years, from single parenting, from parenting trauma kids, from parenting birth to 34-year-olds, from nursing for 30+ years, from working with social workers and other foster parents and from physicians and therapists and teachers…. is that each of us needs to learn our own journey.
Having said that, we don’t each need to re-create the wheel. It is our responsibility to learn from the teachings of our elders. It is our gift to learn from peers. It is our hope to pursue and listen to stories from others who have lived through what we are facing. And it is a way to build a community to enter into so that when we have a misstep, we have people who love us and support us through it all.
If I were to offer you a piece of advice, now that you’ve read this far…. build your community! Find and nurture those family relationships and those friendships with people who build you up. These are the people who want good for you and will continue to hold you and love you, no matter how many mistakes you make. And they will do it without giving a single piece of advice.
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Wow!!!!! I finally finished my Thirty Day Blog Challenge!!!! What a fun journey it has been. If you would like to read any of the previous posts from this series, click on any link below….
Day 1 of a 30 Day Blog Challenge: “Explain My Blog Name”
Day 2 of a 30 Day Blog Challenge: “Share Twenty Things about Me”
Days 4-7 of a 30 Day Blog Challenge: Let’s Combine Some of It
Day 8 of a 30 Day Blogging Challenge: What are Five of My Current Goals?
Days 9-13 of a 30 Day Blogging Challenge: Five Writing Prompts
Day 14 of a 30 Day Blogging Challenge: Where Will I Be in Five Years?
Days 15 and 16 of a 30 Day Blogging Challenge: What Makes Me Happy? What Makes Me Sad?
Day 17 of a 30 Day Blogging Challenge: What are My Thoughts on Education?
Day 18 of a 30 Day Blogging Challenge: What Would Happen If I Won the Lottery?
Days 19-23 of a 30 Day Blogging Challenge: Five Seasons
Day 29 of a 30 Day Blogging Challenge: Piercings and Tattoos
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T.M. Brown
Look at you!! That’s awesome, Karla! This is a challenge I’ve wanted to do myself, but just haven’t been able to commit like this – you did a fantastic job. You are an amazing and beautiful person inside and out – love your heart, love reading your posts….so glad I get to read your stuff every week!
Karla
Awww! Thank you! This made my day.
Melissa Jones
Fantastic ideas for topics!
Karla
They really are fun, aren’t they? And a good way for your readers to get to know you!!!!
Brianna
I love that piece of advice about building your community. Communities are so important to have and sustain.
Karla
Yes! I hope you have a good community!
Charlotte
What a strong person. I hope one day I am strong enough to foster and help children other than my own.
Karla
If you are raising children, you are strong. It does take a brave heart!
heather J jandrue
Congrats on finishing your challenge. I could not agree more about building a community. Having a tribe is so important.
Karla
Thank you, Heather! We, as humans, were built for community!!!!
Stacey Billingsley
It’s so cool that you finished the challenge! It looks like you had a lot of fun posts to do over the challenge.
Karla
It was a lot of fun and it took more than 30 consecutive days, but I was determined!! 🙂
Noelle
Congratulations on finishing your 30 day blogging challenge. I do appreciate my community. I have found that it has changed over the years, and maybe that it is constantly changing as people come and go, and they themselves change.
Karla
Thanks, Noelle! Of course our communities change, because we change. Our needs, our hopes, our circumstances. It’s important to find those who will always encourage you!
Christina Furnival
Well done on the 30 day blogging challenge! Great advice for those looking into going down a similar path with fostering.
Karla
Thank you, Christina! I appreciated the encouragement.
Adrienne
Congrats on completing your challenge. It can be difficult to get through 30 days of anything. Especially writing!
Karla
Thank you, Adrienne! It was a long stretch… took me longer than the actual 30 days, but I was determined to work on all the prompts.
Alice
I like the format of this challenge.
Karla
I tweaked it a bit to suit my own style and wishes. 🙂
vanessa
Wow! You have been busy! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us and thank you for serving as a Foster parent.
Karla
Busy is one of the words for it. 🙂 I love what I am doing.
Jenny
Congratulations!! It’s always a lot of work to do a challenge, but you always learn so much and feel accomplished at the end.
Karla
Thank you, Jenny! It was a challenge for me, but you are right! I learned a lot and I hope my readers did, too.
Sydney Delong
Community is so important! Congrats on finishing your challenge!
Karla
Thank you, Sydney! It was fun and I learned a lot!
Sandi
Sticking to a 30 day challenge takes fortitute. Well done
Karla
Yup! It stretched me to finish (and took much longer than 30 actual days), but it was such a good process for me.
Suzan | It's My Sustainable Life
Congrats on finishing the challenge! You are so right, a strong community can offer so much.
Karla
Thanks, Suzan. Community is my superpower!!!
Jennifer
Congrats for getting through the 30 day challenge.
Karla
Thank you, Jennifer. It only took me about 90 days. LOL
Angela Sedlak | Mean Green Chef
I always enjoy reading your blog and agree wholeheartedly that each of us needs to travel our own path. Being able to rely on those we love certainly helps! Congrats on the 30-day challenge 🙂
Karla
Thanks, Angela. I have enjoyed this process a lot!
Lucy
Yay! congrats on your accomplishment! Keep it up!
Karla
Thanks, Lucy. It was fun and prompts will now be part of process!
Lisa Manderino
Great Job! I love your blog!
Karla
Thank you, Lisa. I love my fans!!!! 😀
Tiffany
sometimes a challenge like this is just what you need to start writing! great topics!
Karla
I have enjoyed the process! I intend to develop my own challenges… for myself and for my readers.
Holly Bird
Congratulations on our challenge..I love this post and your thoughts and inspiring words that you share!!
Karla
Thanks, Holly! It is nice to hear that I inspire. I hope you feel better soon!!!!
Tricia Snow
You are an inspiration! What a great journey!
Karla
Thanks, Tricia! I am LOVING my journey!!!!
Melissa
Yep…everyone’s got advice. I think a great tool to develop is learning to sift through all of the advice we’re given to know when it’s valuable and when it’s not.
Karla
I think you are right, Melissa. We do get advice whether we ask for it or not. Especially with social media these days. What resonates?
Ramae Hamrin
Yes. That is the single best piece of advice I’d offer anyone … build your community with those who build you up. I was just talking about this today with my cancer support group and wrote about it a little on my last blog post. It’s HUGE. I don’t like giving advice either. It’s why my blog is written from my own perspective. Rarely do I feel knowledgable enough on anything to offer advice, given that we are all different and following different paths. It is a challenge not to do this with my kids, but I try to ask questions instead of give advice. Great post. Enjoyed it very much.
Karla
Thanks, Ramae. I appreciate this. I suspect we’d enjoy each other’s company… would you like to skip over to Seattle for a cup of tea?
Debbie
Congrats!! That was quite a challenge. Good job!
Karla
Thank you, Debbie. It was quite a fun process!
Eva
What a challenging looking challenge! I like your point of not using language that sounds like advice and re-wording it so that you’re just sharing your point of view and experiences.
Karla
It was quite a process… took me much longer than 30 days, but it was worth it. I enjoy it.
Cindy
I love the idea of the challenge. The problem is holding myself countable.
Karla
I was DETERMINED to finish… I was happy that it wasn’t a 30 CONSECUTIVE day challenge. LOL
LIz
Beautiful!
Karla
Thanks!